learning

The feeling of the past two days have been very strange and almost "twlight zone" like. As i was cleaning my basement out I found a note that had been posted to my door over 12 years ago. It was from a man that killed himself 11 years ago. He was my neighbor and the maintenance guy at the little america hotel. He had tried to kill himself twice before the final attempt and then finally succeeded. The feeling of weirdness did not change today when one of my favorite nurses from the satelite offices shared a traumatic story about of her relative that was killed in an avalanche this past weekend. As she sat with tears streaming down her face she made several comments that still ring through my mind. The gentleman that passed away was very familar with the back hills and was with his son. They make it a habit of bringing their rescue equipment whenever they go but this time he said he did not need it and left it in his truck. When they recovered the man's body there was not one scratch on him. He was buried under only 15 inches of snow while his son watched. He worked at the temple the night before and escorted his son through the veil. It just leaves me wondering if somehow he knew it was coming to a close?

With all of this running through my mind I encountered a young mom who was suicidal and I escorted her to the emergency room. I thought for sure this day would pull out of it's darkness when I received and email stating that my dear friend Bonnie had passed away.

I met Bonnie when i was young and single. Her youngest of 5 boys was on his mission to Japan and she was in my Japanese Anthropology class. She introduced herself and we became very close. She was going to pick her son up after his mission and she wanted to learn the language so in exchange for teaching her Japanese once a week, she made me dinner.

She came to my wedding and we have kept in touch over the years. Eventually she remarried and ironically it was to my co-worker's grandfather. The last time I spoke to her she offered to take family pictures of my children and myself, I should have taken her up on that.

So what did I learn today? hmmm..It is hard to put into words but don't take people for granted, if you care about them tell them now and don't put it off. I like to control everything in my life but I am slowly learning that I am powerless and ultimately I really do not have that much of a say. Don't sweat the small stuff, if you do you set yourself up for disappointment every single time.